[Image Description: Background is several triangles in a circle like a pie alternating from true red, scarlet and black. A robin is sitting on his perch looking to the right.
Top Text: “It’s a coupon,”
Bottom Text: “not a Constitutional right”]
Dear Valued Customer,
We are not allowed to keep extra coupons at the counter. When you don’t have the coupon with you, you are not entitled to receive a discount, especially if you don’t even know if you have a coupon at home and if the coupon would apply to what you’re buying. If you get home and find you do have a coupon, you will have to bring it back in for a cost adjustment, I cannot take your credit card particulars over the phone, it’s corporate policy. (Are you trying to get me fired?) No, I will not mail you a merchandise card for the amount you would have saved if you had had your coupon. (I really think you’re trying to get me fired.) No, you are not due any compensation for the extreme inconvenience you’ve suffered having to drive an extra 10 minutes each direction to get your cost adjustment. That coupon saved you $10; if your time and gasoline were worth more than that, you shouldn’t have come back.
This. And read the thing, if it’s out of date or doesn’t apply that is not my fault. I did not write the thing, but I will follow it to the letter.